A Smooth Break-Up

It’s another glorious SoCal afternoon as I peer discriminately at the contents of my closet. It’s ‘donate day’ and I’ve just eyed another winner. With some victims already in the box from the play room and kitchen, I’m feeling confident—ready for the real showdown to begin.

As the tune “Another One Bites the Dust” hums through my head, finger-guns form on both hands and I take aim at my target: a silk blouse that never quite fit.

The chosen one easily slides off the hanger into my hands, along with a sense of accomplishment. But just before it leaves my fingers, I hear something that stops me . . . a voice, like a ‘Valley-Girl’ from “Clueless”. Before I know what’s happening, I’m thrust into an impossible interchange.

Annoyed by the reproach (but still wanting to part ways amicably), I reply . . .

“Look, I’m sorry. You were a thoughtful gift, but we both know you’ve never really been my type; it’s time we go our separate ways. Plus, I’m not throwing you away, I’m giving you a chance to be with someone who really appreciates you . . . preferably someone less busty?“

I made my point and turn to toss her in the box behind me—

“Wait! You can’t just dump me. Everyone adores Italian silk and when you wear it, they adore you too. Keep me if you want people to believe you still have style. Without me, you’ll end up just another lycra-clad mom. Doesn’t it matter how gorgeous my shade of green looks next to your skin?“

I draw her close, caress her satiny sleeve . . .

“Your color is stunning and I do get a lot of compliments, but it’s not about that . . . it’s just . . . I’ve never liked how you hug me. I feel this tension between us—mainly in my chest and armpits—and it makes me feel . . . uncomfortable to be seen with you in public. It’s not you, it’s me.”

Turning to face the closet again, I hold her up to display her shape and sheen.

From down the hall, Marc casually catches a glance of me standing in front of my closet, silently examining a shirt. What he sees is so ordinary there’s no cause for alarm, but what’s afoot with the green blouse is highly consequential.

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Not every encounter I have while de-cluttering is this ridiculous. When handling the material stuff of life—whether cleaning, organizing, or even shopping—some objects say nothing at all, others present their case while batting irresistible puppy-eyes, and a few rip my heart out. Can you relate?

In an effort to combat materialism (a focus on material goods from a belief we’re dependent on matter for existence) have you applied all the editing tips, tricks, and hacks, and trained your joy-spark radar like a K-9, only to find some areas continually dodge the scrutiny?

Or maybe you became a minimalist to finally control the material monster, only to find the promised peace-of-mind eludes you . . .

Maybe our feelings are only the surface story? Perhaps our enslavement to materialism requires us to delve deeper to cut the bonds?

Have you ever wondered how personal shoppers and home consultants finish tasks in a fraction of the time it takes you to do the same thing? Putting aside their professional skill, they sweep through unencumbered because they don’t care about your material things the same way you do. They’re emotions don’t join the task. The key is internal self-talk, and when it comes to our stuff and our self, there’s an endless stream of it.

Self-talk is natural and common, but do you know it’s not always just us doing the talking?

Our minds are like radios tuning into different signals all day. We have control over what we dial up. Do the voices we listen to edify and build us? Or do they destroy us?

Sometimes an internal narrative becomes an idol without realizing it. I open up in a previous article “The Day I Learned I Was Having an Affair”, about a unique encounter I had with Jesus. God’s love for us is stronger than the darkest delusions.

If you need rescuing from a thought pattern or habit, invite the Holy Spirit to guide you right now. Ask Him who He says you are and what He wants you to know. It may be forgiveness toward yourself or releasing your future into His hands. He’s open for exchanges all day, everyday!

Now let’s break down what happened with that snooty shirt. When we strip the fluff, we see materialism for what it is and the enemy behind it . . . just a liar on the prowl to enslave us.

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What the voice said: What kind of ungrateful monster are you?

What it’s really saying: If you stop sucking identity from your relationship to things and people, it will affect everything! Your love affair with your image gives access to manipulate your feelings. We can’t risk losing that power. Thankfully, name calling is usually enough to get you negotiating.

When you hear an accusation, even in the form of a question, it’s meant to make you doubt who you are, and you can be sure the enemy is behind it. He’s the accuser, it’s what he does. The enemy isn’t a spoiled girl or a green shirt, but his thoughts and ideas permeate our world. They sound like shame, criticism, hopelessness and despair, self-doubt, self-rejection, self-harm, suicide.

Accusations never come from Jesus. So what’s true? What does Jesus say about us; who does He say we are? If we don’t know deep down (or we haven’t tuned-in to listen for a while), we’re bound to believe anything. And have you ever noticed it doesn’t take faith to believe the lies?

What truth says: What I choose to do with material objects does not reflect who I am. My true identity is not fashioned, it’s uncovered in relationship with my creator.

What the voice said: Keep me if you want people to believe you have good taste.

What it’s really saying: If you cut a deal with me, you agree to my terms and I continuously add fine print. I say I care about what you do or become because you like that. It makes you feel safe, but I can’t stand you. I want to destroy your life. I care about one thing: if I keep you focused on your own purposes and image, you’ll miss participating in His.

This speaks of identity too, but it has more to do with what other people will say or think of us. Our persona, our reputation. Don’t we want to be admired? Liked? We want to be unique and special. These desires aren’t wrong, but who do we belong to? A price has already been paid for us and He says we are enough. Who do we believe?

The more deals we cut with the liar, the more sinking sand under our homes. This is why the green blouse, though small, has big impact.

What truth says: No shame, even in nakedness. I’m a daughter in the care of an attentive Father and Jesus is my only way to Him. There’s no hidden small print—the cost/benefit is my surrendered life for His. He’s my source and keeps His promises to me.

What the voice said: If you’re so sure you can replace me, then prove it.

What it’s really saying: The pressure is on you to prove my accusations and negative projections wrong. The longer I can misdirect you toward yourself, your circumstances, or your uncertain future, it keeps your gaze off Jesus. That’s my goal.

This temptation can cause us to second-guess the things we were sure about a minute earlier. I was sure the blouse didn’t fit and needed to go. Now the question has been twisted—the premise hijacked—and now I’m wondering if and when I will ever find a replacement?

What the truth says: Who cares? I have nothing to prove. I may never find another shirt like it, but I can trust I will have what I need. Faith is meant to be tested, but on God’s terms. I am free to think clearly and make decisions for today trusting I have a Father watching over me.

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The same temptations pop up in every meaningful aspect of life, from relationships and parenting to work and homemaking. Next time you hear voices, resist the enemy and listen for the voice of life and hope. He’s chatty and loves to help us break-up with that smooth-talking liar, materialism.