This post is part of the ‘Radical Simplicity Series’ confronting futile ways we seek to get our life on the right path. Exposing and addressing these matters of the heart is significant to what’s ahead for the Church. For context, if you haven’t already, you can read the first installment here.

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When navigating life, do you ever feel lost in the fog, wondering if you’re on the right path?

When relating to your toddler or teenager, do you ever feel unprepared, scrambling for fresh ideas on how to parent your kid?

When problem solving at work, do you ever feel stuck, searching for innovative solutions to complex issues?

Self-help to the rescue! The self-improvement/personal development industry is committed to helping people like you and me get where we want to go. Ask and you will get an answer; seek and you will find; knock and the door to a world of help will open to you!

But with so many voices—telling us how to live, what to do, how to think—how do we decide who to listen to?

How about Siri or Chat GPT? Crowd source on social media? Seek counsel from our Christian brothers or sisters? What about Godly experts and professionals? What if we’re in business, tech, or film production, should we take advice from the professionals in our specialized fields?

No.

I’ll come back to this, but first, here is my self-help story:

I Got This

Though an honor-roll, multi-sport athlete through high school, I only had one dream: become the vocational offspring of Indiana Jones and Mother Theresa. Can you picture a hip history-digging-missionary, minus the whip (and the celibacy)?

Accepted into my college and program of choice, I landed on campus with my PhD coursework plan tattooed across my face. From study-abroad programs to internships and field digs, at 18, I’d already mapped the cities I’d be living in throughout my twenties (mostly in the Middle East).

Then suddenly—due to very unfortunate circumstances—I was unable to finish my Biblical Archaeology degree. No Theresa Jones, Missionary Archaeologist, after all; I needed a new plan.

The allure of self-help: purpose and direction.

Although devastating, the violent course redirection brought me back to Minneapolis from Chicago, where I had a support network and eventually met my husband, Marc.

Sensing my aimlessness, well-meaning people prayed for me and suggested I take time to improve myself. They recommended books and paid for conferences, referred home-organizing clients, and (before I met Marc) kindly offered to set me up with their sons, nephews, and friends.

Determined not to be pitied or defined by loss, I pulled on my big-girl boots (in the form of heels and a suit), got a new dream, started my own business, and began down the path to my new future.

This is when a self-help lie took root: God only helps those who help themselves; only I can pull myself up by the bootstraps.

Making things happen—instead of waiting and wandering—made me feel a sense of purpose and control over my destiny. Unfortunately, believing my own efforts were building my destiny kept me stressing.

The reality of self-help: control equals work minus rest.

Driven by desire for financial independence and fear of loss, my motives were celebrated as responsible and noble. According to the experts, if I could keep it up, one day I’d have enough to let off the gas pedal and enjoy the fruit of my labors. I didn’t let myself wonder what enough would be, but since I didn’t have it yet, I kept going.

During this time another self-help lie took root: It’s up to me to protect and promote myself, and one day I’ll earn my peace of mind.

As Merry, Savvy Entrepreneur, I was (mostly) enjoying the work, but doing it under pressure and criticism of future Merry was exhausting. I longed for peace of mind, rest for my weary heart, but she encouraged me to keep going; just a little longer.

The fruit of self-help: judgement and favoritism.

Jesus warns about playing the judge. I couldn’t see that my self-improvement efforts had made me an expert ‘speck’ inspector. Constantly comparing to others, I reasoned it was the only way to know how I was doing in my field. But no matter my performance, I rated better than some and worse than others.

I viewed making comparisons like receiving grades in school; I didn’t consider that judgmental. Of course I had favorites; respectable people I’d stand on my head for, if they’d ask. After all, they had earned their right to lounge beside Lake Como.

Because I held contempt for those unwilling to pull up their own boots, that same contempt landed on me when—due to incessant pulling—my bootstraps finally snapped, “SMACK!” in the face with truth: after all those years of ‘improvement’, I had a lot more money, but I was back in the fog and exhausted, wondering if I had taken the wrong path.

Seeking self-help had been no-help.

A decade after burying my heartbreak, my Heavenly Father offered to help resume it. My bitter tears turned to an innocent child’s painful wails as He sorted through the ruins of my questions and accusations, giving insight and perspective only He could give. All those years, I thought it was Him driving me to work harder. I had believed a lie; He never drives, only leads. I confessed my idols, judgments, and the slave-life I’d submitted myself to.

Hearing His gentle words and sitting in His presence amidst my sorrow was enough to satisfy me. After filling the empty space with rich new soil, He planted fresh seeds of faith and hope for a good future based on His faithfulness to me as His daughter, not my performance.

Where I meant to build a fortress of solitude and protection over my heart, His intentions were for a garden we could enjoy together.

I guess I could have asked Him, first.

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Ask, Seek, Knock.

We have options when seeking out what we need and want. Jesus points us to first seek out His favorite one-stop-shop, The Kingdom of God, where faith and forgiveness are the currency, the King eats injustice for lunch, and inflation is what happens to the pool toys.

He doesn’t tell us not to ask anyone else, but He’s particular about the order of things. Everything has been placed, like a footstool, under His feet. He holds all wisdom, all authority, all power, all wealth, all knowledge, and all the cards. When we seek Him first, we agree with His right to rule, and His order of things. Then all these other things can and will be added.

No one can stand against Him. Nothing can compare to Him. James the Apostle says emphatically,

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

James 1:5-8 (NIV)

This is an astounding promise! Nothing comes close to His wisdom, but He looks for vessels to carry it out in the Earth. He backs up His word, but doesn’t require Himself to back up all the other advice and fluff we ingest.

The father of lies is father to the world, but his children are no better-off than orphans.

Are we settling for the scraps their father throws, or do we believe we sit at our Father’s banquet table where the feast pours over the sides?

A question asked on social media will get an answer. Seeking solutions to problems will lead to more committees and more meetings. God desires to show-off through the ones called by His name. He glorifies His name in all the Earth through the faith of His kids.

Our best efforts are a water drop compared to the ocean He has planned for our lives in Him.

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We were made for a supernatural partnership, for synergy with the Almighty God. We have the mind of Christ—to know the mysteries of God—as we ask Him. Next time we need fresh ideas for a relationship, an innovative solution to a problem, or clarity and direction in the midst of the fog, instead of self-help, let’s seek our Father first, believing in faith what He says.