Last summer our youngest daughter had asked to have a family day at Santa Monica Pier to celebrate her birthday. It was a clear day at the beach, and shortly after a brain freeze from Dip n’ Dots, she pulled me away from the ice-cream cart onto the Ferris Wheel.

From the tiptop, views of ocean coastline stretched from Malibu to Long Beach, but before we scanned the horizon, we first tracked the rest of the family from above and pointed to all our favorite spots below. Afterward, I marveled how our eyes naturally homed in on our favorite people and familiar places but blurred-out the rest. The Ferris Wheel ride not only gave me a new vantage point to see from, but revealed what I care about.

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on what I see and how it stems from what’s in my heart. Whom and what gets my attention has a lot to do with what’s inside of me, from family dynamics to the hierarchy of power on the streets. We moved to Hollywood because God invited us to love and serve the city, but to my surprise, the new address didn’t automatically expand my heart of love or service. . . Jesus would have to do that.

Living in the city offered a different perspective than suburbia, but it didn’t change what I valued.

What am I looking at?

I was so used to praying for Hollywood, I wasn’t prepared for praying in Hollywood. I needed God to change my heart if I was going to stay and thrive here. In the San Fernando Valley, garden gloves and a trowel were effective, now a hockey mask and chainsaw were required (I imagine even Daniel’s prayer life leveled up after moving from his own den into the lion’s).

Some of the discomfort was culture shock, but I couldn’t ignore my entitlement. I would pray the Lord’s prayer, but through day to day interactions, God was exposing I didn’t always want His will. . . I wanted my own way but wanted to put His name on it.

I love people but I’m now seeing and understanding: there is no righteousness outside of God’s righteousness, and there’s no justice outside of His justice. God isn’t looking for more “nice people” He looks for disciples of His son Jesus—fully surrendered to His way. When I take actions in my own will (even doing what I reason to be kind, thoughtful or “Godly” things) I tell God, “I don’t need you, I got this!”.

I’ve been brought to my knees over and over, but it’s been a good posture for learning.

Do you see what I see?

My own ideas of justice and goodness quickly exposed prejudices in my heart. It annoyed me to watch out for human excrement as well as dog’s when taking a walk; it stressed me to have drug-induced screams (coming from the floor above) wake me in the middle of the night.

On the way down to the pool with my youngest daughter, I prayed for God to send someone for me to share His love with. . . He sent a male stripper in a cheetah print speedo. He was hungry for conversation and shared his life story and how his same-sex attraction began.

God was snatching up all the hazard cones (set to intentionally define my comfort zone) only to chuck them. I questioned when the Holy Spirit sent me to introduce myself and hug the cos-play Cat Woman working Hollywood Boulevard. At every turn, I noticed my boundaries were being re-zoned. It’s been a challenging year, but mostly because I’ve been blind to my own blindness.

God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. He loves me so much that He’s changing me on the inside, and that changes all the things I do and see on the outside. I know God has me, and I’m full of hope for my future here in the city.

Make it fit.

I planned a bunch of posts for the blog, but once I fell behind my schedule, life hit a crazy level—like in Tetris when you feel cool and in control one second, the next, your palms sweat and your hair’s on fire.

It may be a surprise, but the blog was not my first idea. Years ago, I planned to write some of my stories in book form to confess my idolatry and, hopefully, help some others who were on the same destructive path. I had a pen name because I desired anonymity. I still desire it, but that’s not what God has asked of me.

Expanding the vision.

God’s light shines brightly in the darkness of Hollywood, but as I’ve met people and made more friends, it’s become obvious I need new content. Most of the people I interact with don’t know Jesus and to offer them Clean House Blog content is to offer a hungry baby a bag of groceries. They need a meal especially made for them. I started Clean House for those of us identifying as Christians who need a wake-up call to what we already have in Christ and stop the idolatry. This is why, even though I swore off social media years ago, I’m now working on videos for social media.

This new content focuses on introducing the mercy, beauty and chain-breaking power of Jesus Christ to my friends like Cat Woman. Clean House will still be here to read and share (and I’ll post from time to time) but I’d really appreciate your prayers for this new endeavor. I’ll share the updates and links on Clean House when they go LIVE.

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The discovery process is beautiful, intimate and awkward. Like a little seed that first has to die to grow, our will needs to die so we can join in His bigger story within our families or the communities we live in. God often starts with what’s comfortable and familiar, then expands our hearts to contain more—more people, more cities, more nations.

The horizon of God’s love has no end, and since He longs to be known and seen as He is (not as we imagine Him), we need our eyes of our hearts opened and expanded to see all that He’s revealing. What a gift that Jesus left a heavenly comfort zone to enter the pain, injustice (and smell) of our dark and broken world to include us in His love.

He sees everything, but His full attention is focused on you, me and Cat Woman.

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